


Not Your Mama's Business

by twitchtipthegnawer



Series: Overwatch Oneshots [16]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Corporate Espionage, Explosions, Gen, Jesse is an Australian and Junkrat is from Texas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 00:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9265715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twitchtipthegnawer/pseuds/twitchtipthegnawer
Summary: Satya is a professional. She's just trying to do her job. Even when her job requires that she meet with the world's most annoying CEO. Unfortunately, everything about this particular job seems determined to go wrong. Like that weird Australian who's dressed like a cowboy and shooting at her head; what the hell is he evendoinghere?





	

**Author's Note:**

> A gift fic for my little bro who. I don't understand on the best of days. He just wanted Junkrat to be a corrupt businessman with a "southern gentleman" attitude, and Jesse to be an... Australian cowboy.
> 
> I. I have no real excuse.
> 
> Just take this.

The waiting room had been completely, perfectly spotless. This was utterly unheard of for Satya. She always found _something_ worth criticising, even in the most professional places. But the waiting room had met her exacting standards perfectly, which made the man sitting behind the desk in front of her even more bemusing.

For starters, he was smoking. Not cigarettes. His hair was literally-- was it _still on fire?_

“Now, we understand you gentlemen got a good thing goin’ on with your, uh,” he paused to look back at his hulking bodyguard.

“Vishkar Corporation,” the bodyguard said. He had a comically tiny pin on his near to bursting suit, which read _Mako Rutledge._

“Thanks Hoggy,” Jamison said amiably. Satya could feel her eyes going narrower by the second. Was this seriously the man who was in charge of LumériCo now? “But what we’re not clear on is why y’all wanna make a deal with us, considering how last time ended.”

“For starters, I am not a gentleman,” Satya replied. She got a sharp look from Korpal for her cold tone, but she couldn’t care less. Jamison’s white shirt had smudges of soot on it, and his grin was dangerously unbalanced. At the moment, she couldn’t think of anything she wanted less than to ally with him, but… “And you know as well as I do that both our companies stand to gain much from this misadventure, if only we don’t let it control us.”

“Do we, though?” Jamison tapped his chin with one dirty fingernail, as if he was giving it actual consideration. “I don’t reckon we got anything to gain, actually. Things’ve been uphill ever since we confirmed that government dealio. Why should we help get y’all back on your feet?”

Satya had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from retorting sharply. Thankfully, Korpal responded for her. “Vishkar was never off of its feet, if you’ll recall,” he said. He sounded so perfectly composed that anyone other than Symmetra might mistake him for calm.

Unfortunately, there was something like a calculating light in Jamison’s unhinged eyes. “Actually, as I _recall,_ we weren’t the only ones who got a visit from dear old Sombra.”

“What.” Satya’s voice is too flat to be a question.

“You heard me,” Jamison sits back in his chair, and even though his teeth are too crooked for his face to ever really look smug, he somehow radiates it anyway. “Hacking’s a two way street, sweetheart. If our little friend got us, she could just as easily get you.”

“That does not mean she’s gotten us already,” Symmetra responded with a fed-up sniff. She caught a whiff of gasoline and resisted the urge to gag.

“Uh, duh,” Jamison rolled his eyes at her, and Mako huffed a breath of laughter behind him. “But most of what she spilled were secrets we were both keeping. Bet she’s got plenty left where those came from.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, this was supposed to be a casual goodbye type thingy, y’know?” Symmetra blinked hard as Mako walked behind her and opened the door. “I got lots to do, buildings to blow up, the usual. Now shoo!”

She was so busy processing the indignity of it that she barely noticed Korpal retreating, subtly nudging her side as he moved. She followed him on automatic, and found herself wondering just how someone like Jamison Fawkes had ended up as the CEO of the single largest energy producer in the world.

Strangely, it occurred to her that explosions did, in fact, produce quite a bit of energy.

\----------

When their unpleasant guests were through the door Roadhog took no small amount of pleasure in shutting it behind them. He didn’t slam it; he was the one who was in charge of making sure they kept their impeccably professional front, after all. But he did get quite a bit of satisfaction from the finality of the _thump._

“That went well, don’t ya think?” Junkrat asked him, picking up a lollipop from the pencil holder on his desk and unpeeling the wrapper.

Mako shrugged and walked around the side of the desk. “Made some enemies today, boss.”

“Yeah, but we’ve got that covered. As long as you’re watchin’ my back, I know no asshole’s gonna get through to me!”

“You’re overconfident,” Mako said, but he couldn’t help a smile curling his full lips. Jamison was _way_ too trusting. “I’m one man, boss. Can’t do the whole job on my lonesome.”

“Aw hoggy, you wanna call in some extra help?” Popping the lollipop into his mouth, Jamison bobbed his eyebrows up and down. He definitely didn’t need the sugar, that hyperactive idiot.

“I already did,” he said. Junkrat actually jumped a little, his eyes going comically wide. “He should be here any minute. He’s got a bit of a reputation.”

“Oh, do I know him?” Junkrat sounded _delighted,_ and it made Mako’s tiny smile widen the slightest bit. “C’mon ol’ buddy ol’ pal, gimme a bone. Does he blow stuff up?”

There was a knock on the door, heavy-handed and loud, and Roadhog tilted his head at it. “Ask him yourself,” he said, and then he was opening it up to reveal a rather… unusual man. Not that Mako or Jamison were exactly normal, but at least they were more in their element than this anomaly.

He was dressed in a cowboy outfit, down to the chaps and an oversized revolver on his hip. He had a wild beard and a mischievous light in his eyes that looked remarkably like a less-insane version of Jamison’s. It was the sort of appearance that made you expect a slow, southern drawl when he opened his mouth.

However, Jesse McCree wasn’t a predictable man. “What’ve you got for me, mate?” He asked, heavy Australian accent coloring his words.

“Well well well,” Jamison crowed. “If it isn’t the famous McCree! Put ‘er there, pal!”

Junkrat held out his prosthetic hand, and Jesse stepped forward easily enough to shake it. He even walked a bit bowlegged, and Roadhog was sure it was less because of recent horse rides and more for the, ah, _aesthetic._ Mako could appreciate showmanship, but this was just silly.

“Jamison Fawkes,” Jesse said with a smile. “I gotta say, I didn’t expect to end up here. But hey, moolah’s moolah. If you’re still offering the same price, that is.”

“‘Course we are,” Jamison waved his hand negligently, and Mako got to work pulling up job specs on the holovid. “The question, buddy, is if you’re still offering the same services.”

“Same as always. You get me shelter for a bit, I’ll do whatever barely-legal dirty work you got lined up for me.”

“Barely-legal’s my middle name!” Jamison half-spun his chair around to face the holovid Mako had pulled up. “Guess it’s also Vishkar’s, cause they’re up to something. You’ll be my bodyguard for the next couple of days, until they get the hell out of dodge.”

“Got it,” McCree said as he gave a tilt of his hat that looked rehearsed. “What do you say we nut out the rest of this here arrangement later? Maybe over a couple’a drinks?”

For a moment, Jamison hesitated. It wouldn’t have been noticeable for anyone who didn’t know that he tended to talk like a machine gun, word after word with no pauses, but Mako did know. “Sure thing, pal,” Jamison said. “You’re my last meeting of the day, I’ll meet you in five. Just gotta take a sec’ to talk to my big ol’ friend here.”

“I got you,” McCree winked, and then backed out of the room without turning around. “See you in a jiffy!”

Once the door had been closed again, Jamison turned to look at Roadhog consideringly. As consideringly as he could while still gnawing on a sucker, of course. He was silent for long enough that Mako allowed one of his eyebrows to raise, and even then Junkrat didn’t speak for a bit.

Finally, he announced, “Hoggy, I can’t understand a damn thing Australians say.”

\----------

Satya didn’t often revel in her missions. She did them, adequately if not enthusiastically, but _revelling_ was something else entirely.

She was willing to make an exception, however, for the thorn in her side that was Fawkes.

Creeping over the rooftop of LumériCo’s building, she twisted her fingers to produce a thin wire of hard-light. She anchored it to the edge of the building and used it to lower herself down the side, careful to count windows as she went. This part was easy.

The window to Jamison’s office was as dark as the others, but she didn’t hesitate before carefully setting up a teleporter in the glass and sliding through. It had been a long time since she’d made a stupid mistake like mixing up rooms. Still, when she entered the room and immediately noticed a figure in the desk chair, she froze. _Jamison was supposed to have left already._

“Thought you’d come back around sheila,” said the stranger. The _Australian cowboy?_ “Round-about high noon, I’d guessed. Nice to be right.”

 _High noon?_ Briskly, Satya shook her head and levelled her photon projector at him. She wasn’t going to waste time with this clown who’d somehow found his way into LumériCo’s most tightly defended office.

It wasn’t until she blinked and found a revolver in her face and her photon projector on the ground that it occurred to her exactly how unlikely a coincidence this would all be.

Unluckily for mystery man, Symmetra could think on her feet. She slid into a crouch in a smooth movement, cutting off whatever he’d been about to say, and smoothly swept his feet out from under him.

He rolled smoothly with the motion, falling like a pro, and came up shooting. No more boasts from him, then. But his first bullet hit Symmetra’s shield and the second went wide, so she wasn’t particularly worried.

Except that no sooner did she think it than he was tossing something in her face. She didn’t have a chance to slap it aside or even shut her eyes before it was blowing up with a sound so loud her ears were ringing. _Flashbang. Damn!_

She dove blindly to the side, but the man’s arm looped around her easily. Double damn. She grabbed for his arm with her prosthetic, tried to crush it. And she _couldn’t._

What were the fucking odds of Jamison hiring someone with a prosthetic arm. Seriously. Satya would have laughed at the irony if she wasn’t so disinclined to laughter in general.

“Alrighty, I’ll just be carting you off to mister bossman now, so if you don’t mind--”

“No need!” Cried a caustic, giggly voice. Had Jamison returned already? Did the stranger contact him somehow? “Just leave ‘er there buddy. Might wanna get a move on, though.”

“Huh?” The arm around Satya went slack enough that she could possibly kick him away, but spots were still swimming in her vision.

“Y’see, most of the building’s plain ol’ metal and concrete, but a few of the supports were hard light. Wouldn’t you know it, they started malfunctioning about five minutes ago! Not enough to knock the building down except maybe if a whopper of a storm went through, unless…”

A hollow boom shook the building, making it quake beneath Satya’s feet. She wrenched away from the man, finally able to see enough to realize that Jamison’s face was on a holovid in the room. _He’s not here._

“We give it a little help!”

The man started cursing, using words Satya didn’t understand and didn’t care about. The building was going to fall out from under them in seconds. She needed _out._

All at once the man charged at her back, shouting something she couldn’t understand. He caught her a second time, and his momentum carried them both through the teleporter in the window. The lack of any shattering glass seemed anticlimactic to Satya, but it made Jamison’s manic laughter that much easier to hear.

“Parachute, parachute, parachute!” The man shouted over and over again.

“You’re lucky I’m a prodigy,” Satya muttered back. She didn’t think he heard her, but it didn’t matter. With a twist and a flick of her wrist, her fall was slowed considerably.

And she kept her grip on the man, so that he didn’t simply fall to his death. It didn’t do to cause unnecessary casualties.

When they hit the ground, there was a long moment of awkward silence. They simply stared, uncomfortable, and then the man grimaced. “Nice to meet the famous Symmetra,” he said. “Heard a lot about you.”

“Er,” Satya took a step back and gave the man a look. She couldn’t exactly say the same, but… “You fight well, whoever you are.”

Quirking a lopsided smile at her, the man stuck out his hand. “Jesse McCree. Hell of a night to make your acquaintance, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be turning you over to anyone after all.”

“...Quite.” Satya found herself smiling the slightest bit, but shook it off. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not stick around. I believe we’ll be having problems very soon.”

As if on cue, there was a shriek of metal warping out of place. McCree turned to look at the building behind them, its subtle wobbling growing more precarious with each second. “Well, wouldya look at that,” he said, sounding completely unperturbed. “Might wanna follow me, I know a way outta here mate.”

Part of her wanted very badly to run in the opposite direction from him, but the rest of her knew that the data she’d been looking for in that office was gone. This strange, unsettling man might be her best bet at getting the dirt they needed to shut Jamison down. “Lead the way,” she replied.


End file.
